||[Jun. 10th, 2005|06:51 pm]
|||||my air conditioning unit||]|
Catch Adam in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, opening today!
So last night, the MTV Movie Awards aired. Because I have a lot of time on my hands (not really, but I'm great at wasting time when I have things to do), I sort of blogged it. Just so you know, before we get involved in anything serious here, I'm not the biggest fan of Napoleon Dynamite, especially Haylie Duff and her connection with the movie. Also, after re-reading what I've written, I think I've developed a girl crush on Rachel McAdams, going so far as to nickname her. That story is developing...that said, enjoy the recap. And if you missed the award show, no fear, I'm sure it'll be on about 1087987827308439 more times before the year is over.
Pre-show: Suchin Pak (who is apparently taking her TrimSpa) opens with Fat Joe and Nicole Richie on the red carpet.
Fat Joe interviewing Jessica Alba. Basically she plugs the shit out of Fantastic Four, telling us to bring our families, friends, and see it twice. Well, unfortunately, I'm probably not going to see it at all, even though it stars the uber sexy Horatio Hornblower, Ioan Gruffud. He's like, "You're a Latina too." And she's like, "Yes, my father is Mexican." Then he responds with a "VIVA MEXICO!" while she looks around for someone to save her. I love it when they try to make celebrities interview each other. Unintentional comedy in awkwardness.
Mother of god, Ryan Gosling. We WILL make babies. Most likely separately, but we will make them.
Nicole Richie interviewing Paul Walker was maybe one of the most awkward things I've ever been subjected to. "Here is the sexy, and extremely sexy Paul Walker."
She proceeded to call him sexy once more, tell the audience that his ojos were so hot and that he needed to make her his next leading lady. He's all, "What are you trying to do to me?"
SHIT. Claudia Salinger's breasts are hanging out for the world to see. Charlie would be so pissed. If he wasn't stuck on an island, god knows where. And Bailey would probably be pissed too, if he wasn't now a doctor, dealing with his own shit in Everwood, Colorado.
Ew, Johnny Knoxville and Seann William Scott. Eww. SWS's hair. Johnny makes a crack about Suchin drinking whiskey before the interview. She is not flustered. Johnny loves Napoleon Dynamite, and that explains a lot. He tried to attempt the Napoleon Dynamite dance. Seann William Scott has girl hair.
The Jimmy Fallon commercial where he has to smuggle the MTV movie award popcorn bucket trophy thing in his ass is awesome. That's the first time I've laughed at Jimmy Fallon since Weekend Update circa 2001.
Nicole Kidman looks so hot. She's so statuesque. She says that Will Ferrell is very quiet in real life, but loveable and psycho in his head. We knew that already.
Travis and Shanna Moakler. Shanna is pregnant with another kid. VIVA CORONA!
Mya is wearing the worst outfit ever. I hope she paid a lot of money for it because something that ugly better have been designed by Donatella Versace herself for it to be worth it.
Why Haylie Duff why? Why won't she leave us alone?
Lindsay Lohan looking blond and skinny. There are enough rumors circulating about Ms. Lohan, so I won't add to them. Until later.
Nick and Jessica. Ooh, Jessica look bad. Look bad. She says Nick likes her daisy dukes. Fat Joe, in a moment of just sheer awesomeness, says, "Proactive is doing works because you look fine." HA!
Sandra Bullock is wearing a smock. A big Barney colored smock.
Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie. They are two orange popsicle sticks with blond hair. Lindsay: You look like really skinny. Nicole: No, you look like really skinny. Then they do some weird talking in tongues thing that is lame enough to be an inside joke between these two. Nicole asks if La Lohan will be singing tonight, then starts into her song Rumors, and she is not bad. Give that girl a recording contract!
Molly Ringwald! Reunion of Breakfast Club. !!! I love it! She's doing a sequel to Sixteen Candles. That birthday cake will be overflowing with candles.
John Heder and Nicole Richie. She makes him say, "Gosh Tina, eat your ham," while she squeals.
Dakota Fanning is starting to get into her awkward phase. She is a veteran though, great interviewee. She is very giggly.
Eminem interviewed by Sway. Talking about how 50 is going to be in a movie. He is performing.
Emile Hirsch looks surprisingly hot.
Rachel McAdams looks so cute. Nicole Richie squeals, "Do you know how many people you have made cry because of the Notebook? Boys too!"
Nicole Richie must be on crack. She's hoppin' around, singing and dancing.
Batman is giving Jimmy Fallon a ride to the show, "OH my god, BATMAN? I totally have your face on my underwear!" He takes a camera phone picture and causes them to sort of crash. Andy Dick is driving a police car chasing after them. Homoerotic subtext. He unmasks and it's Napoleon Dynamite. "DOn't tell anyone I'm Batman or else I'll kill you with my superpowers."
"Batman doesn't have superpowers!"
"Of course I do...I have rock climbing powers, samurai sword powers , hang gliding powers."
That's not tired. Because i haven't heard any Napoleon Dynamite knockoffs before.
The celebs just to sit in these cool chairs and sofas. Pretty effing mod, guys. Way better than what the Shrine Auditorium usually looks like.
"MTV put me up at the Hotel Rwanda. Not fun."
"The Pacifier made 100 million dollars--10 million people said "Vin Diesel and a duck? Yes please! Maybe I should have put a duck in Taxi!"
"There are all these remakes of old tv shows: Bewitched, The Honeymooners. Next year, Paris Hilton is going to be in Leave it to Beaver."
"She's engaged to a guy named Paris. Herpies: Fully Loaded is the name of their love story. I'm not saying she loves herself, but she's marrying a thin flat chested rich kid."
Chris rock is in The Longest Yard and Madagascar, which brings me to the point that there are only two places you see black men, "IN the zoo or in jail, as long as they're behind bars."
---Presenters: Adam Sandler and Chris Rock: Best On-Screen Team
Nominees: The Plastics, Mean Girls; The Incredibles; The Channel 4 News Team, Anchorman; The Average Joes, Dodgeball; Harold and Kumar, Harold and Kumar
Winners: The Plastics: they are so effing cute. I love Rachel McAdams (who will be referred to as RayMac from here on). She's wearing a corset-esque top and jeans. Lindsay is freckly and skinny in a dress that covers most of her frail frame up, wrapped in miracle beads. Lacey's boobs are huge, and barely covered in a shiny orange dress that blends in with her skin tone. Amanda Seyfried looks normal. How about Lilly Kane's murderer on Veronica Mars, huh?
Lindsay thanks some people and the fans for watching. Amanda does the same, Lacey stands and looks pretty. They look so young and orange compared to Rachel, who is Canadian white.
RayMac: Lacey this is for you, I just want to say that, guys? This is so fetch.
---Vin Diesel and Jennifer Connelly (she is so smartly dressed, it's unbelievable) present: Best Villain
Ton Cruise, Collateral; Jim Carrey, Lemony Snicket; Rachel McADams, Mean Girls; Ben Stiller, Dodgeball; Alfred Molina, Spiderman 2
Ben Stiller. He rocks my face off. He's in a tee, blazer and jeans. "I know this is a fun night, but I want to take a second to talk about a real villain amongst us, high cholesterol--(pulls out an egg) look at this little guy, he's killed more people than all hollywood bad guys combined. Crush cholesterol now!" He breaks the egg. Hijinx!
---Fake Triumph (the Comic Insult Dog) insulting Lindsay Lohan, "I've seen all your movies, I will see them again, and this time I won't fall asleep during them!" She looks fake insulted, but is cracking up. "Are you going to remake Glitter next? When are we going to make a movie together? I'll set up the tripod and make sure the nightvision is on!"
And look who it is, Eminem as the voice of the dog. He breaks into Ass LIke That with the help of Crank Yankers lifesized versions. Scary as fuck. Then he does Mockingbird, which I hate. That song just irks me to the last note. He's wearing a shirt with Haylie (his daughter, not Duff) and her mom on it, and her signature is on the back.
---Nicole Kidman: Breakthrough Female
Rachel McAdams, Mean Girls; Ashanti, Coach Carter; Elisha Cuthbert, The Girl Next Door; Bryce Dallas Howard, The Village; Emmy Rossum, The Day After Tomorrow
Rachel McAdams. So cute. I heart her. My god Nicole Kidman is tall. And she's wearing super tall stilettoes. RayMac thanks people for voting for her, Tina Fey, MTV, Lorne Michaels, and cutely smarms, "this dispells the myth that Canadian girls are nice."
---Fantastic Four stars: Ioan Gruffud, Jessica Alba (wearing a pretty much clear dress), Julian McMahon! (ding ding!), Chris Evans, and Michael Chiklis: Breakthough Performace by a Male
Good lord, Julian McMahon is hot. His blazer ensemble is striking, in a very Christian Troy way.
Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite; Tim McGraw, Friday Night Lights; Zach Braff, Garden State; Tyler Perry, Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Kid in Finding Neverland
Jon Heder. He looks so straight haired. He's very nervous and he bumbles, thanks the fans and the voters. The audience is screaming for him. "Quiet, gosh!" His wife is normal looking, but they fit.
---JFal in a pretty funny Star Wars riff. He's Anakin, and has "moved in this phat lava pad," while Padme freaks out. He does a pretty accurate impression of Jack Black (and I was laughing), and tells Padme, "I do things for you all the time...I watched the Notebook and now it's my favorite movie!"
She tries to grab his face, "Watch the hair, I just got it feathered!"
"Drop it like it's hot! Drop it like it's hot!" He almost kills Padme "unintentionally" and shrugs, "My bad, I forgot to turn off the force."
Then Obi Wan comes in, and JFal is all, "How long have you been standing there? Did you hear me say that I like the Notebook, because I don't!" Then they do the saber fight, then JFal falls into the lava and dies.
---Deuce Bigalow himself, Rob Schneider and Eva Mendes: Best Comedic Performance
Will Ferrell, Anchorman; Dustin Hoffman, Meet the Fockers; Antonio Banderas, Shrek 2; Will Smith, Hitch; Ben Stiller, Dodgeball
Dustin Hoffman. And he's there. He's looking smart, in a suit with no tie. Very crisp and fabulous. He makes a crack about how he's the first person to not have to bend down to use the microphone, and how he got in the front row here, since the Academy never did that.. "Thanks for connecting me with young people, and I want to stay connected...Eminem touched himself about 37 times, so continuing with that..." and he thanks people while touching himself. And he runs around slapping hands. That Dustin Hoffman, what a Focker.
---Terrence Howard presents Mariah Carey. I haven't really listened, and I mean, really listened to a Mariah Carey album since 1994, so I can't really say anything. She's got this 40s thing going on with her stage, so that's pretty cool I guess. Her boobs are bigger than my head. Miss Mimi sure is full bodied. Sounding good though, although I dug her most during the dreamlover days. She had great songs then. She looks like she's going to knock someone out with her spastic movements on stage. Jessica Simpson mouths "I love her." Yeah, is that why you try to mimic her 20 octave high squeal? BTW, Jessica's remake of "These Boots are made for Walkin'" is so terrible, my ears wanted to rip out of my head.
---Sandra Bullock: Best Male Performance:
She and JFal doing the puppet comedy thing where he stands behind her and does her hands: Ray, he does the blind piano hands, Troy, the gay hand; then he tries to feel her up.
She gets him back but punching him in the balls.
Matt Damon! Bourne Supremacy; Leo, the Aviator; Jamie Foxx, Ray; Will Smith, Hitch; Brad Pitt; Troy
Leonardo DiCaprio. He's on the screen. He looks great and I haven't thought that in years! He looks hella good.
---Emile Hirsch and Jessica Biel: Best Frightened Performance
He looks like a high, young Jack Black.
Sarah Michelle Gellar, the grudge; Jennifer Tilly, Seed of Chucky; Mya, Cursed; Cary Elwes, Saw; Dakota Fanning, Hide and Seek
Dakota Fanning wins. She is little. They give her a platform to stand on, and she's wearing a tutu. Ooh, her mom is not cute. She looks like Britney Spears' mom, but wider, and more leathery.
---Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn--Wedding Crashers bit. How to get kids into parties...
"Always wear sweat pants, so if girls dance with you, they know you mean business."
Kid: Have you ever gotten every girl you wanted?
Vince: No, but I've gotten every girl who wanted me.
They go to a party with Justin Long, who they leave to get beat up by a bouncer. Then later, they try to hit on Pamela Anderson, telling her that they have a hot tub, on the beach--but she's not having any of it. She instead goes over to Justin Long and asks him if he wants to go to her hot tub on the beach. Owned, Owen Vaughn.
---Hilary Swank, Bohemian outfit. BREAKFAST CLUB!!! BREAKFAST CLUB!!! GOD I LOVE IT SO. It's as old as I am. Yellowcard does "Don't You Forget About Me" over. But come on, they should've gotten Simple Minds. This really sucks. Ryan Key sounds like he's dying. And I actually like Yellowcard, they are nice guys, sounded great at their concert. But they've ruined my #2 favorite song of the 80s.
Molly Ringwald, Ally Sheedy, and Anthony Michael Hall. Molly Ringwald looks super old. The principal is like 80. I feel very old. Ally Sheedy is still cute, yet very drunk. Anthony Michael Hall is like super butch tough guy now. He says, "Judd and Emilio couldn't be here, they're in Africa with Dave Chapelle."
---Paul Walker and Zhang Ziyi: Best Kiss
She is so cute. She can't speak a lick of english, but oh well, that doesn't stop Paul Walker from "trying to get her to kiss him." Who writes these vignettes?
Natalie Portman and Zach Braff, Garden State; Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, The Notebook; Jennifer Garner and Natassia Malthe, Electra; Gwyneth Paltrow and Jude Law, Sky Captain...; Elisha Cuthbert and Emile Hirsch, Girl Next Door. And if there was any doubt who would/should win:
Paul: And the winner is...someone who is cleaning up tonight.
Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Ryan Gosling is so gorgeous. Oh holy sweet love. And the Darfur shirt. Socially aware men are so sexy. SO SEXY. Google Darfur if you don't already know what it is. I would do him. They are like walking to opposite ends of the stage, they take off their respective jackets, he is jumping around, getting ready, and then he does a sexy, come hither motion. And they run at each other from across the stage, and they kiss and it is magical and hot and all things awesome. Lindsay Lohan was like, "Oh my god!" in the background and Hilary Duff was in awe. He is so hot. I loved the Notebook, if you couldn't tell. The old people make me cry every time I see it and I've seen it many times. If there was ever any doubt that they weren't/have never been fucking, I think this dispells it. And can you really blame her? I would totally get on him. They are the stuff electrochemical gradients are made of. They are pure chemistry, if you didn't get that reference. He carries her to the podium, where he lets her down and lets her take the stage. This is Rachel's third award of the night, so I think she's arrived. "Love 'em and leave 'em, right?" she says as Ryan is like 25 feet away. She calls him over, he leans is, and is painstakingly sexy, and says, "Look...it was my pleasure." And they walk off stage together as he picks up the jacket she flung off. Sweet jesus he's hot.
---Katie Holmes presents the Artist of the Millennium: Tom Cruise. He is so hot. Good lord, he's still so sexy, even with the erratic behavior, and the Scientology, and the Magnolia. Good montage of his movies, but they left Eyes Wide Shut out, maybe because his ex wife was there.
---Jimmy Fallon doing the Dukes of Hazzard theme song. Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott, and Jessica Simpson.
She looks terrible. Her hair is like electric socket big.
Best Dance/Musical Performance
Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo; Channel 4 News Team; Kal Penn & John Cho, Harold and Kumar; Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite
Jon Heder. Of course. He thanks Michael Jackson, JT, and John Travolta. John Cho looked so depressing, but still cute.
---The Rock: Best Fight
Uma and Darryl, Kill Bill2; Zhang Ziyi, House of Flying Daggers; Battle of the News Team, Anchorman; Eric Bana and Brad Pitt, Troy
Quentin and Darryl and the stunt doubles. Oh Quetin. Such a strange little man.
---Samuel L Jackson: Best Female Performance
Lindsay Lohan, Mean Girls; Hilary Swank, Million Dollar Baby; Rachel McAdams, The Notebook; Natalie Portman, Garden State; Uma Thurman, Kill Bill 2
Lindsay Lohan looks so blond. She thanks a barrage of people, whilst looking pretty darn emaciated (via coughcokecough...please do not sue), if you ask me. She then warns, "Beware of the paparazzi." She should've added, "and girls named Amy who write nasty things in their journals about me."
---Hilary Duff presents Foo Fighters. I can't believe she's the cute one out of the La Lohan/Duff feud now.
---Dakota Fanning and Tom Cruise: Best Movie
Kill Bill 2, Napoleon Dynamite, Spiderman 2, Ray, The Incredibles
Napoleon Dynamite. Not surprising, looking at the nominees. Jared Hess accepts, he looks like a skinny Ben Gibbard. He makes it short and sweet and thank god Haylie Duff wasn't up there.
One more picture of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams for the road--this one was from backstage, in the press room, not in front of an audience--rumor mill start...NOW.
And that's the end, see you next year!
Massive OC appearance update, and yes a lot of these pictures are very old--they've been sitting on my external hard drive for like a month, but I've had no time to update--so I'm sorry. There's paparazzi shots of Adam and Rachel, Adam at the Mr. and Mrs. Smith Premiere, Mischa and Ben at Cannes, MIscha's Maxim Hot #100 picture, Peter, Melinda and Kelly at the Fox Upfronts, Kelly at a Candian thing, Melinda getting free stuff, and Peter at a golf event.
Mischa at Cannes Film Festival
Ben at the Cannes Film Festival
Adam at the Mr. and Mrs. Smith Premiere
Kelly at the Canadian Walk of Fame
Adam and Rachel shopping
Mischa, #33 on Maxim's Hot 100.
Melinda at the Warner Bros Tweety Bird event
Peter at the Museum of Television and Radio PGA event
Melinda at Solstice studio
Adam's band, Big Japan, has a cd entitled "Music for Dummies" coming out soon (I have the official date somewhere, but I'm too lazy to find it. They are playing next month at the Troubadour in LA, July 6th to be exact.
The OC is up for several awards in the Teen Choice Awards including Choice TV Drama, Choice TV Actor (Ben and Adam both), Choice TV Actress (Mischa and Rachel both), Choice Hottie (Adam), Choice Hottie Female (Rachel). The Award show is August 16, 2005 on Fox. You can vote here: TeenPeople.com